In His Grip is a weekly e-mail intended to provide inspiration and hope to those fighting cancer.
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*If you’re fighting cancer, please write and let us know how we can pray and support you.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The beauty of God’s comfort is that it is transferable! Stronghold Ministry thrives on spreading the comfort we received during my cancer battle. As a non-profit organization, Stronghold relies on donations to operate. So in this edition of In His Grip, we are asking for a favor from you. Our financial supporters are encouraged when they see how the Lord has used us to encourage people fighting cancer. If you are a cancer patient or a caretaker, and have been touched by Stronghold Ministry, we would love to know how. We are putting together a video montage of short comments and pictures from the people we’ve served. We also want to encourage those who do not know us yet to contact Stronghold Ministry for support. But we need your permission to include your comments or image.

Here is how to help us spread His comfort:

1) Send us a brief note describing the impact Stronghold has had in your life.

One or two sentences is the perfect length. Simply share how Stronghold has lifted you. In today’s world, testimonials of third parties are often used to motivate people to action. If you have already sent us comments, you could grant us permission to use portions of anything you’ve already sent.

2) Send us a picture of you and your family.

To add a more personal touch, we prefer to include your image with your comments. You can send us recent pictures, or pictures from before you were diagnosed. If your pictures are not digital, please mail to: Stronghold Ministry PO Box 38478 Dallas, TX  75238. We’re sorry, we will not be able to mail them back, so please send a copy. Perhaps a tech savvy friend could scan and email them for you.

Send your comments and pictures via email to: jfor@mystronghold.org. Thank you so much! We could really use your help.

You Are In His Grip,

Joe & Terri Fornear, Stronghold Ministry

-If you are fighting cancer, please write and let us know how we can pray. We want to be “in your corner.”

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*New Dallas cancer support group starting in September. For details and updates on the group, sign up for our monthly newsletter, the Exchanger, on our website

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This may be surprising, but it is common for cancer survivors to struggle with depression after being declared cancer free. Now you might wonder, “They had their prayers answered, so what could possibly be the problem?” Many people expect survivors to be all chirpy. In the last three decades, the number of cancer survivors in the United States has tripled and is growing by 2% each year. In 2004, there were an estimated 10.7 million cancer survivors, representing 3.5% of the United States population. But oncologists and psychologists are only now becoming aware that mild to moderate depression in survivors is common.

Drawing from my own experience and also other warriors we’ve encountered, I’d like to offer reasons happiness can elude the survivor. Then I’d like to suggest some biblical pointers on how to handle these post-war blues.

1) Fear. Immediately after being declared cancer free, the thought that the cancer could recur is never far from consciousness. Fear lies in wait and rears up at the first sign of a new or old pain.

2) Adrenaline letdown. For many, there is a sort of post-traumatic stress syndrome after their cancer battle. Returning to “civilian life” is not as easy as one might think.  Many patients literally fought for their life. They were all jacked up and on guard constantly. After the battle, it is truly difficult to relax, and recovery takes time.

3) Literal battle scars. Surgeries, chemo and radiation all take their toll and leave a mark. The potential list of scars is lengthy: neuropathy from chemo (painful tingling of nerves in fingers and toes and feet), burns from radiation, loss of limb function, weight gain and lasting medication side effects. Withdrawal from mood altering pain management drugs can be another factor in being down. For privacy reasons, some scars may never be shared by survivors, such as issues pertaining to sexual matters.

4) Figurative battle scars. Battle fatigue is often rampant for survivors. Chemo and other drugs depress the immune and nervous systems, it is no wonder they also depress the emotions. The grieving of lost time and opportunities with loved ones is very common. Pain-filled flashback memories can haunt the survivor at first. Often sadness due to continued or new tensions in relationships impacts the survivor as well. Normalizing relationships is never easy.

5) Purposelessness. The survivor often is paralyzed by big picture questions, “What does this all mean? How should I live now?” Life after cancer can prove so mundane, empty, boring and vacant. Priorities now must be realigned back to normal, and the survivor is often uncertain as to how to define “the new normal.”

6) Support system changes. Often supporters move on, leaving the survivor to process the aftermath of cancer  on their own. I really needed to talk, but I soon realized that not everyone wanted to listen. Expectations from work, spouse and life often return like a flood, making it clear to the survivor that the kid gloves are off. He or she must pull it together and look to contribute fully again.

So what advice does the Bible give?

1) Pray and Trust. The Bible says to cast our anxiety on the Lord (1 Peter 5:17). Jesus said we can’t add even one day to our lives, so we should trust Him completely with our longevity.

2) Number your days. Moses said, “Teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12). Moses suggests we make each day count for God. Following the Lord on a daily, even a moment by moment basis, is wise living advice for all. The martyred missionary, Jim Elliot, once said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he can never lose.”

3) Talk or write it out. Find a support group or some other survivors and talk it over. One of the most healing steps for me was to write a book. Many people journal and write prayers to the Lord. These activities can help to make sense of the entire experience. Reading other’s stories still helps me today. If you are a survivor, write us and I will send you my book – My Stronghold, maybe it will help you.

4) Practice the Presence of God. There is no one who can heal our hurts and memories like the Lord. He can “restore the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25). In other words, He can make up for our losses and lost time. I think the best way He does this is by making each moment special with Him and others. So the Lord, who was our Stronghold in the midst of the storm, can continually hold us up and heal us as we live out full lives for Him.

The “new normal” for the survivor and all of us should be living moment by moment in dependence and closeness to the Lord. Every moment is sacred, whether we are doing some good deed or raking leaves. That is the sheer excitement of walking with Christ. We get to live each day with Him and through Him!

The other day, I received a question so common, I want to talk about it here. From our website’s contact form at www.mystronghold.org/Contact.html: “How can u deal with the depression that this illness causes?” I assume this was in reference to my battle with Stage IV metastatic melanoma, which the questioner was battling as well. Yet  depression is common with any cancer.

So based on watching other patients and dealing with my own depression during my cancer fight, here is my advice:

1) Give yourself a break.
Many cancer patients, myself included, beat themselves up for feeling down, which only makes them feel worse. But my goodness,  cancer causes such high stress levels. When we consider all the elements of battling cancer, we find a perfect storm for depression. There are chain reaction struggles that actually cycle. First the pain; then pain pills; then constipation from the pain pills; then enemas for the constipation; then hemorrhoids from the enemas; then pain from the roids; then back to square one. And chemo is an emotional depth charge – the vomiting; hair falling out; losing too much weight; looking at the ashen, emaciated face in the mirror. No wonder we get depressed!  It is natural to feel very sad. If you don’t feel sad when battling cancer, I would say that is a sign of emotional unhealthiness.

2) Find an anti-depressant that works for you.
In general, I am not real big on anti-depressant drugs. But since I was  taking drugs that suppressed and depressed my entire being to treat the cancer, I decided not to hesitate in taking something chemical to counter this side effect. The drug which worked best for me was ativan, also called lorazepam. Keep searching with your doctor until you find one that works well for you. Not all oncologists routinely probes for cancer related depression. So especially if you are coping well on the outside with your depression, you will probably need to ask for a prescription.

3) Turn to the Lord and open up all your feelings to Him.
I have noticed when reading the patriarch, Job, and the authors of the Psalms, including King David,  that they often had symptoms of what we might call clinical depression – sleeplessness; constant tears; wanting to die; total hopelessness. They didn’t bury how they felt, they let it out, and faced the emotions squarely with God. He loves to show Himself in the midst of our pain and struggles. Your tendency might be to turn or drift away from Him in this turmoil, but actively turn towards Him instead, even if you feel angry. He can handle your negative emotions, and He already knows your thoughts anyway. Be sure to ask Him for a response, and then listen – He speaks in many different ways.

4) Talk to people who understand and ask for support.
Find a support group, phone partner or a crisis counselor or call us at Stronghold Ministry (Call toll free – 877-230-7674). Depression can make us feel so isolated and alone, but you will be surprised how effectively others can help lighten your load. Don’t be too proud to ask for help. If someone really encouraged you, don’t hesitate to ask for a repeat connection. If you think someone’s presence would help you, risk letting them know, even if they haven’t had cancer. “Could you come sit with me and talk? I would really enjoy hanging out with you during this time.” Or, ask someone to read to you. Don’t sit and pout that someone you need hasn’t come on their own. ASK FOR HELP.

5) Make sense of your struggle.
To help make sense of your sufferings and get an eternal perspective on their purpose, I strongly recommend a book called, “Streams in the Desert”. This book helped me see God’s higher purposes in our suffering. He is not a masochist in the sky, delighting in our suffering; nor is He ignoring our plight. He is  good – all of the time. This book has helped me and many others, so pick up a copy. You can get it on Amazon, or on our website – click here.

“You’re going to beat this.” That’s right, lose that line for good, especially with later stage warriors. It is a bold claim and easy to spout.  It exudes confidence, reinforces optimism and instills inspiration. So how could saying it possibly be a mistake? Unfortunately, it places the burden of ultimate victory squarely on the patient. They desperately want to be healed. They are probably doing more than you realize to get well, but having complete responsibility to get well can be overwhelming. And keep this in mind, no matter how tough your patient appears, most are much weaker than they let on. How do I know this? They tell me this in private and I often felt that way myself during my own battle. I hear it all the time; very few people grasp what the patient is going through.

Lance Armstrong seems to be the epitome of the triumph of the human spirit but living strong has its limits. Consider what his longtime coach and confidante Chris Carmichael said in an interview with USA Today:

“People believe that Lance is a tough guy: He beat cancer, he willed it away. They think he left this Earth and is invincible. That’s far from the truth. He has the same mortality as anyone else. He dealt with cancer the same way as anyone else. I saw him scared and fearful, with all the human emotions associated with that intense experience.”  (USA TODAY – 5/22/2002).

To really love someone in the midst of crisis we should follow Paul’s advice and “Weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). And, “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak” (1 Corinthians 9:22). We tend to want to lift strugglers out of weakness with just a turn of a phrase. It rarely works that way. People need to feel unconditionally accepted, understood and supported, especially in a crisis. They need to look to the Lord more than to themselves.  If they have permission to be weak around you, ironically then they will be able to draw upon your strength and the Lord’s. “With the Lord’s help, you will beat this.”

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB(c).