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(Third in a series on journeying through desert places in our lives).

O God, when You went forth before Your people, when You marched through the wilderness, Selah. The earth quaked; the heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God; Sinai itself quaked at the presence of God, the God of Israel. You shed abroad a plentiful rain, O God; You confirmed Your inheritance when it was parched. -Psalm 68:7-9

The Lord reigns everywhere; deserts are no match for Him! Psalm 68 is David’s reminder that God was faithful to Israel in the wilderness, so He would be faithful to him, and us as well. In Part 1 of this mini-series, we dispelled the fear of going the wrong direction in the desert. Part 2 focused on God’s ability to march us victoriously; we are not overwhelmed in Him; we are stable and assured, even if our physical body or our circumstances are falling apart.

Another common desert fear:

• Will there be sufficient provisions, like water and food?

In other words, what if I don’t have enough resources to handle my wilderness journey? Desert travelers are often loaded down with worries. “What-if” questions tend to focus on resources.

1) Spiritual Resources – “What if I come to the end of my strength – will I be able to cope?”

2) Material Resources – “Will I/we/they have enough money?”

3) Relational “Resources” – “What will happen if my kids grow up without a mother/father?”

Psalm 68:9 reveals that God “confirms His inheritance when it was parched.” No matter how horrible our conditions, His inheritance, or resources will be sufficient. Don’t let pain, stress, or bad news cause you to panic. Simply rest in Him and trust Him for ALL resources you or your loved one(s) need. He is committed to take care of ANY concerns you have. Twice this passage stresses His “Presence” provides a “rain” or even “plentiful rain.” He provides. During my brutal cancer fight with Stage IV metastatic melanoma, there were several times I feared running out of strength, but my anxiety was  unnecessary. When I needed something, He was there. I’m not saying it was easy to cope; it was really hard. But His presence and inheritance made the journey so much more manageable. Many times, He even made my journey pleasant. Drink the rain.

This may be surprising, but it is common for cancer survivors to struggle with depression after being declared cancer free. Now you might wonder, “They had their prayers answered, so what could possibly be the problem?” Many people expect survivors to be all chirpy. In the last three decades, the number of cancer survivors in the United States has tripled and is growing by 2% each year. In 2004, there were an estimated 10.7 million cancer survivors, representing 3.5% of the United States population. But oncologists and psychologists are only now becoming aware that mild to moderate depression in survivors is common.

Drawing from my own experience and also other warriors we’ve encountered, I’d like to offer reasons happiness can elude the survivor. Then I’d like to suggest some biblical pointers on how to handle these post-war blues.

1) Fear. Immediately after being declared cancer free, the thought that the cancer could recur is never far from consciousness. Fear lies in wait and rears up at the first sign of a new or old pain.

2) Adrenaline letdown. For many, there is a sort of post-traumatic stress syndrome after their cancer battle. Returning to “civilian life” is not as easy as one might think.  Many patients literally fought for their life. They were all jacked up and on guard constantly. After the battle, it is truly difficult to relax, and recovery takes time.

3) Literal battle scars. Surgeries, chemo and radiation all take their toll and leave a mark. The potential list of scars is lengthy: neuropathy from chemo (painful tingling of nerves in fingers and toes and feet), burns from radiation, loss of limb function, weight gain and lasting medication side effects. Withdrawal from mood altering pain management drugs can be another factor in being down. For privacy reasons, some scars may never be shared by survivors, such as issues pertaining to sexual matters.

4) Figurative battle scars. Battle fatigue is often rampant for survivors. Chemo and other drugs depress the immune and nervous systems, it is no wonder they also depress the emotions. The grieving of lost time and opportunities with loved ones is very common. Pain-filled flashback memories can haunt the survivor at first. Often sadness due to continued or new tensions in relationships impacts the survivor as well. Normalizing relationships is never easy.

5) Purposelessness. The survivor often is paralyzed by big picture questions, “What does this all mean? How should I live now?” Life after cancer can prove so mundane, empty, boring and vacant. Priorities now must be realigned back to normal, and the survivor is often uncertain as to how to define “the new normal.”

6) Support system changes. Often supporters move on, leaving the survivor to process the aftermath of cancer  on their own. I really needed to talk, but I soon realized that not everyone wanted to listen. Expectations from work, spouse and life often return like a flood, making it clear to the survivor that the kid gloves are off. He or she must pull it together and look to contribute fully again.

So what advice does the Bible give?

1) Pray and Trust. The Bible says to cast our anxiety on the Lord (1 Peter 5:17). Jesus said we can’t add even one day to our lives, so we should trust Him completely with our longevity.

2) Number your days. Moses said, “Teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12). Moses suggests we make each day count for God. Following the Lord on a daily, even a moment by moment basis, is wise living advice for all. The martyred missionary, Jim Elliot, once said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he can never lose.”

3) Talk or write it out. Find a support group or some other survivors and talk it over. One of the most healing steps for me was to write a book. Many people journal and write prayers to the Lord. These activities can help to make sense of the entire experience. Reading other’s stories still helps me today. If you are a survivor, write us and I will send you my book – My Stronghold, maybe it will help you.

4) Practice the Presence of God. There is no one who can heal our hurts and memories like the Lord. He can “restore the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25). In other words, He can make up for our losses and lost time. I think the best way He does this is by making each moment special with Him and others. So the Lord, who was our Stronghold in the midst of the storm, can continually hold us up and heal us as we live out full lives for Him.

The “new normal” for the survivor and all of us should be living moment by moment in dependence and closeness to the Lord. Every moment is sacred, whether we are doing some good deed or raking leaves. That is the sheer excitement of walking with Christ. We get to live each day with Him and through Him!

“You’re going to beat this.” That’s right, lose that line for good, especially with later stage warriors. It is a bold claim and easy to spout.  It exudes confidence, reinforces optimism and instills inspiration. So how could saying it possibly be a mistake? Unfortunately, it places the burden of ultimate victory squarely on the patient. They desperately want to be healed. They are probably doing more than you realize to get well, but having complete responsibility to get well can be overwhelming. And keep this in mind, no matter how tough your patient appears, most are much weaker than they let on. How do I know this? They tell me this in private and I often felt that way myself during my own battle. I hear it all the time; very few people grasp what the patient is going through.

Lance Armstrong seems to be the epitome of the triumph of the human spirit but living strong has its limits. Consider what his longtime coach and confidante Chris Carmichael said in an interview with USA Today:

“People believe that Lance is a tough guy: He beat cancer, he willed it away. They think he left this Earth and is invincible. That’s far from the truth. He has the same mortality as anyone else. He dealt with cancer the same way as anyone else. I saw him scared and fearful, with all the human emotions associated with that intense experience.”  (USA TODAY – 5/22/2002).

To really love someone in the midst of crisis we should follow Paul’s advice and “Weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). And, “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak” (1 Corinthians 9:22). We tend to want to lift strugglers out of weakness with just a turn of a phrase. It rarely works that way. People need to feel unconditionally accepted, understood and supported, especially in a crisis. They need to look to the Lord more than to themselves.  If they have permission to be weak around you, ironically then they will be able to draw upon your strength and the Lord’s. “With the Lord’s help, you will beat this.”

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB(c).