Mending Brokenness Through Forgiveness

Unforgiveness is a poison pill we swallow thinking an inner vendetta is harmless, but as they say in the south, “That dog will bite you.” If we’re fighting cancer, we’re usually more sensitive and vulnerable to hurts by others (read about my fight with Stage 4 melanoma cancer here). The last thing we need is to compound our many challenges with bitterness. I had to forgive my doctor who misdiagnosed me for months saying, “Whatever it is, it’s not cancer; it’s too soft to be cancer.” Negative energy built inside me until I forgave.

The Lord has a path for emotional healing, and it inescapably includes forgiveness – whether the person acknowledges their offense or not! If we don’t forgive, we ensure an offenders lock on our soul and our freedom. We’re basically declaring to heaven and earth that their power to harm is greater than God’s power to heal! No one can “ruin” your life or even a part of your life – take it back through forgiveness!

If you’re ready for freedom, I encourage you to walk through the following “Seven Steps of Forgiveness” over anyone and everyone who has ever harmed you. Terri Fornear and I describe these steps of forgiveness during our recent Stronghold Praise and Prayer gathering here.

Seven Steps of Forgiveness

1) The Essence of Forgiveness – A cancellation of all debt from wounds inflicted – Romans 12:17-21.

2) The Example of Forgiveness – Ephesians 4:32 – “Forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you.”

3) The Extent of Forgiveness – No limit – Matthew 18:21-22 – “up to seventy times seven …!” It’s not easy for humans to forgive those who wound us, it’s usually impossible, so trust Him for His enabling grace to forgive like this!

4) The Expense of Forgiveness – Costly for us to absorb the damage done!

5) The Expense of Unforgiveness – WAY MORE costly! Ephesians 4:26-27 – “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Foothold is a military term meaning “a base of operation in your own territory from which an enemy can inflict damage upon you.”

6) The “Exceptions” to Forgiveness – What forgiveness isn’t:

• Explaining/understanding what motivated someone to sin against you. “He had a rough childhood.”
• Minimizing damage. When damage is greater than you admit, your forgiveness will fall short as well.
• Forgetting or blocking out the offense. This may be less painful, but it prevents true resolution and healing.
• Asking God to help you forgive. Trusting His supernatural help, we choose to forgive.
• Insisting on an apology before forgiving. 1 Peter 4:8 – “Love covers a multitude of sins.”

7) The Execution of Forgiveness.

1) Recall the offense. 2) Recount the damage. Even after David sinned with Bathsheba, he still didn’t deserve the evil that came upon him.

Psalm 31:11-13 – Because of all my adversaries, I have become a reproach, especially to my neighbors, and an object of dread to my acquaintances; Those who see me in the street flee from me. I am forgotten as a dead man, out of mind; I am like a broken vessel. For I have heard the slander of many, Terror is on every side; While they took counsel together against me, they schemed to take away my life.

3) Recognize God’s view of the offense. He hates the sins committed against you.

4) Release the person from ALL debt, they owe you nothing after this release.

5) Request God’s abundant blessings on the person. 1 Peter 3:9 – “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

Remember, we forgive others for ourselves; Jesus asks us to follow His incredible forgiveness of us! We get to be truly like Him.