Victor or Victim?
Can grief turn toxic? Definitely. Sometimes hurt, pain and loss seem so overwhelming that we turn away from the Lord in despair and anger. This anger can take many forms, from outright rebellion, to self-pity, to passive indifference in which we basically ignore Him.
As a young-ish pastor of 44 years old, I questioned why God would allow me to be set on the sideline with Stage IV metastatic melanoma (my story here; my wife Terri’s caretaker book and my book on our mind battles are free to cancer patients – go here). Cancer and its cures had gotten the best of me. During this time, my dad was diagnosed with Stage IV melanoma, the same disease I was battling, and he quickly passed away. In my condition, I was not able to travel to say goodbye or attend his funeral. At times, I felt so sorry for myself; drowning myself in tears. To pull me out of the fog, God taught me key lessons on how to embrace victory over victimhood.
1) Enthrone God’s supremacy in my mind – no matter what.
Job’s story is in the Bible for a reason. Few people have ever suffered as intensely yet handling it so well. In a single day, he lost all of his possessions and all ten of his children. He then lost his good health to a horrid skin disease. His “friends” spent several days blaming him for hidden sins, which they were convinced had brought these calamities on him.
Through it all, Job knew God was worthy of his praise and trust – no matter what. “Naked I came into this earth and naked I return, blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him; rather, yet will I wait for him” (Job 13:15). Do we always praise Him and trust Him, no matter what?
2) Elevate God’s ability to heal over the enemy’s ability to steal.
Naomi lost her husband and her two sons in a far-off land, and she returned to her homeland with a broken heart. Certainly our hearts go out to her, yet things got worse for her because, by her own admission, she allowed herself to become bitter. She so identified with toxic feelings that she renamed herself “Bitter!”
“Do not call me Naomi (“sweet”); call me Mara (“bitter”), for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi since the LORD has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?” (Ruth 1:20).
In the end, God made Naomi’s life sweet once again with a new family and much provision. The lesson is our losses and troubles do not define us, nor does cancer define us. God is greater than cancer and aloneness – far greater! So let’s identify with Him and His victorious status, not with victimhood, which renders us empty and despairing.
3) Experience God’s trumping of the enemy’s plans.
Peter told us to be aware of the devil’s schemes to “devour” us. He cautioned persecuted believers that the “takeaway” that God (or people or life) was picking on them was actually a demonic scheme. Keep in mind, the Roman emperor at that time was Nero who was using Christians dunked in oil as lanterns in his gardens (read more on this). How would you feel if your loved one had died in this manner? Yet Peter told them to “hold the line.”
“But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world” (1 Peter 5:9).
Peter pointed to other believers who experienced the same sufferings, yet “accomplished,” or successfully navigated, these horrendous trials with a victorious mindset. In other words, don’t let the devil turn your sufferings into despair and self-pity.
When our hearts are broken, a victorious mindset can only be produced supernaturally by God. In Hebrews 12:15, addressed to another group who were being severely persecuted, God warned of the pitfalls of embracing bitterness and self-pity. “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” We need His empowerment to overcome! Don’t miss His grace!
Lord, we are hurting, but we don’t want to give way to bitterness. Teach us to recognize the signs and triggers of of bitterness. By Your grace, enable us to overcome and please heal our broken hearts.
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