15 things you shouldn’t say to a person fighting cancer

While working through the Book of Job for these In His Grip blogs, I’m amazed at how many applications there are for folks fighting cancer today! The unhelpful comments of Job’s friends remind me of what people say to cancer patients today. So, I’ve compiled a list of 15 unhelpful comments I’ve heard during my Stage IV cancer battle and 22 years of cancer ministry as a Pastor and with Stronghold Ministry.

Next time, we’ll talk more about how to handle hurtful comments. For now, I think people just don’t know what to say, though overall they’re trying to help. While some comments are true, timing and sensitivity are key! Still, I believe in extending grace here, as admittedly, I’ve said or thought some of these things myself!

15 things you shouldn’t say to a person fighting cancer:

1.  “I totally understand what you’re going through.”
2.  “I’ve had horrible pain like you have” (Me to female patient – unwise).
3.  “We’re cancer buddies with the same cancer!” (But they Stage 1; me – 4).
4.   “You’re going to beat this,” or, “You got this!”
5.   “God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.” 
6.   “This supplement or alternative treatment will definitely cure you.”
7.   “You should never take chemo.”
8.   “You look good, so all is good,” or “You don’t look like you have cancer.”
9.   “You’re cancer free, so what are you worried about.”
10. “You’re cancer free… but when was your last scan?” (I heard for 5 years!)
11. “You lost your hair, but at least you’re still here, right?”
12. “You know cancer loves sugar, right?”
13. “You need to be more positive to be cured, it’s all in the attitude.”
14. “At least you have the good type of cancer.”
15. “My uncle had your type of cancer – he died.”

Feel free to write me on unhelpful remarks you’ve heard!

People often ask what they should say. My best advice is to focus on what they say, not on what I should say! And very importantly, listening can be totally nullified by judgments. Sadly, Job’s friends listened to him for 7 days and nights without talking, but their harsh criticisms of Job eventually spilled out! As Paul said, “Your speech must always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so you will know how you should respond to each person”(Colossians 4:6).

I love this advice in Proverbs 20:5, “A plan in the heart of a person is like deep water, but a person of understanding draws it out.” Let’s ask God for wisdom and insight in all we say.

Oh and every cancer patient and soul on the planet needs to hear the Good News of Jesus – check it out!